end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
