we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
