My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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