Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
