She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
