Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize