he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
