Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
