i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize