need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
