did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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