I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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