Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
