He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
