The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
