EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
