under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
