at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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