i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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