yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
