he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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