Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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