$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
