Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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