New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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