Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I enjoy the company of your penis
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize