i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
