There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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