I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
