I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
