Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
