My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're like the curious george of whores
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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