I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize