VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
