I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
