I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Houston, we have a blender
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
