in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
