I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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