giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
