I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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