Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
