Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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