i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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