he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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