FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
