I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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