I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
