We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Your tits are I can't wait for
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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