I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize