STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize