You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
