How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
