Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
