I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
