dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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