and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
