I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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