so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
