i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
