just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
