My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
