Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
