Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
