Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
