Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
