I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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